I'm So Over My Gender

Most of the books we read in my Detective Fiction class bore me to tears. Only Humphrey Bogart can make The Maltese Falcon less boring, and that is only on screen. I thought it would be the same way with Robert Parker's Promised Land. Oh was I wrong! I love this book to pieces, and I would recommend it to anyone. If you do not think you like the detective fiction genre, I especially recommend this to you. I'm so going to read the entire series, because Spenser is legit amazing.

That being said, the novel deals with feminist issues. More importantly, he takes on a guerilla feminist movement. These women are stupid, and they are using feminist rights as a disguise for their outright hatred of men (actually, they just have anger and direct it toward men). The women in this novel are nothing like the large majority of the feminists of the late 1970s. However, there were women like the ones in the novel who pushed feminist propaganda, disregarding that plenty of women choose to get married, have children, and not work.

But my professor had an issue with this. Apparently, in the eyes of Dr. Pompous, all feminists (even the borderline terroristic ones) are perfectly fine. They killed a man, but hey, they were doing it for a cause! They were sticking it to the man! Who cares if he was just doing his job as a guard when they try to rob a bank?!

Yeah, see why I had an issue with this?

Then my professor started talking about how Spenser disregards women throughout the whole book. He sees attractive women on the street and rates their appearance even though he is in a committed relationship. As if he doesn't have freaking eyes! If my professor (who talks about his marriage ad nauseum) hasn't fantasized about another woman throughout his marriage, I feel really sorry for him.

But this is not where the really annoying part started. The argument (when I was outraged) started when Dr. Pompous decided that Spenser's girlfriend shouldn't be with him. See, Susan (Spenser's gf) is an independent, older divorced woman. She has a career, and she is incredibly intelligent. Professor wanted to know how a woman like her could ever be with a "buffoon" like Spenser. I defended him. Then a girl in the back said, "Susan tells 'I love you' and he doesn't say anything back. And then she comes back two days later saying sorry! She has a right to be mad!" I was so over it at this point. I told her, "That is so backwards. If a man said 'I love you' first and got mad when there was no reply, he would be considered a pig for pushing her when she isn't ready! Completely backwards, and it's against your so-called feminist stance."

Yes, I was mad.

Then class ended.

As I was walking out of the classroom, I heard two girls (so-called "feminists") yelling about the things I said. One girl said, "I've been in that fight before; it would not be ok for me not to say 'I love you' back!"

If you really don't know if you love your partner, you shouldn't be pushed to say it back. If you get into a fight, one or both of you is dumb and doesn't deserve the other.

And you know had Spenser said 'I love you' to Susan but had really not meant it, they would have been so pissed. What is with the double standard?

I'm just so over my gender sometimes.

If you want to be equal, you have to take the consequences. Susan chose to say it first, and it didn't end the way she wanted. She got mad, but then she got over it. And you know what? At that point he had figured it out. He did love her.

So, case in point: some members of my gender are dumb. And they embarrass all women everywhere.

PS- this book series was made into a tv series. This guy played Spenser. It makes me giggle, because Spenser is not all like this.

And yes, that is Susan. She matches what I imagined more so than Spenser.

Cohesion

When I started this blog, I just talked about whatever was on my mind at the time. Some things were funny, and some things fell flat. I understand that this happens sometimes. However, I feel the blog lacks cohesion. This annoys me.

I am a generally put together person. My thoughts are extremely organized, even if my physical things are disorganized in extreme clutter.

Thus, I would like to restructure the blog. From now on, I will be talking about my life and what's happening in it. I hope it will still be funny, but I cannot make any promises. All I know is that if I continue to write about random things, I will be burnt out because I cannot keep up. If something is relevant to my life at the time, I will write all about it.

For me, this means talking about my road rage. I drive 3 hours a day, three times per week. The nine hours I spend in the car are sometimes very stressful to me. They also are sometimes extremely funny.

For me, this means talking about the struggles I have with myself and my friends. I love my friends, but sometimes they just make me crazy. Then I rant, and it becomes funny.

For me, this means talking about books. As an English major, I read a lot of books. Sometimes I love the books I'm required to read, and sometimes I hate them. But I still have a lot to say about them.

For me, this means talking about my viewpoints on life, politics, and religion. I have a lot of opinions, and I know they don't match everyone's viewpoints, but I have to show the way I feel about certain things.

If I don't start writing about these things, I won't be happy. Ultimately, this blog is supposed to be about me letting go. I want to write about things I care about. I like being funny, but that's not all I am.

So this is me taking a leap. I want cohesion, and I want contentedness. I want to talk about my life.

I Like Food More than Anyone I Know

Panera is legitimately the best sandwich place around. Don't even suggest Subway to me. I will laugh in your face for all eternity. Plus, Subway does not have a mySubway card like Panera does. (I was going to write, "I get rewards for eating at a place I would pay to eat at" but then I realized I do pay to eat there! Willingly, even.)

Today, I went to Panera, and as always, I got the mac and cheese. I also got a half sandwich for tomorrow, but that's neither here nor there.

I would have taken a picture of mine for all of be jealous of, but I devoured it. Actually, I was in the car and did not think of bringing my camera, so this one will just have to do.

But look at that creamy deliciousness! What could possibly be better?

I bet Sheldon Cooper loves Panera Mac&Cheese. He's legit.

Anyways, here are my top 5 restaurant menu favorites (in no specific order):

1.  Panera Mac and Cheese: it's Vermont white cheddar and shells. 

2. Figo Pasta's gnocchi or braised beef ravioli with wild mushroom cream sauce: I don't even like mushrooms, but these two dishes are amazing. I switch it up for fun, but mostly I order the gnocchi. My nan never makes homemade gnocchi for me any more, so I get my fix at Figo. Also, Figo is legit cheap. That makes them such a win!

3. Queso from Taco Mac: umm, it's melted cheese with jalapenos, and it comes with flour tortillas. Do I need to say more?

4. Panino con Pollo from Little Azio: To be fair, the best Panini con Pollo comes from one specific location, but I don't want to be too specific. Y'all can look up locations, though, and I'm sure all of them will be good. It's got chicken, pesto, and mozzarella. With these ingredients, I can surely look over that stupid tomato. Also, it comes with a wonderful pasta salad.

5. Crab Rangoon from almost any Chinese restaurant in America (possibly even worldwide): oh my gosh, crab rangoon is pretty heavenly. Even though it's a trend right now to make it sweet, I like it to be more savory. I recently found out that Costco sells frozen crab rangoons in bulk. Costco and I are going to become best friends in the future. (Don't tell BW she's getting replaced by a large chain store, ok?! Although she became best friends with J. Crew, and I'm OK with that. Clearly she loves clothes, and I love food.)

Go look up these places, and book your trips now. Then hit me up, and I'll come with you!

Hello, My Name is Charlie Sheen.

Our GPS is named Vicky. Well, technically, she's named Victoria, because she's a haughty bossy Brit. As if there's any other kind (except for Adele). When she makes us mad by recalculating, we call her Vicky. Like icky Vicky.

But for the most part, Victoria gets us to our destination just fine and dandy, without too many problems.

Btdubs, when I say us, I mean me and my parents. We all use Vicky, often on long trips that actually require her. I promise I'm not pulling a Perez Hilton and referring to myself in the plural.

Anyway, my grandparents only recently got a GPS. Before, they solely used maps. For reference, these are what driving maps look like:

These just don't make sense to me. They're so small, and it's a pain to try to find where you are when you're driving 85mph on a random ass highway in Louisiana. 

Apparently, though, when I was seven years old, I got me and my grandparents un-lost on our way to my Uncle Leroy's and Aunt Carrie Lee's. (Side story: half of my relatives call her Carrie and half call her Caralee because, well, Southerners clip words. So pretty much my entire life, I thought these were two separate women.) I'm not even sure I knew how to use a map, then. But my grandparents have told this story over and over.

I was just tired of them arguing (a show of affection between them) about whether we were supposed to turn right or left, and we were supposed to take the bridge 500 ft away NOT this bridge. My seven yr. old brain wanted peace and quiet to play my Gameboy Color. I just wanted to beat the 17th level of Tarzan, OK!?!

So I took matters into my own hands and ripped the map away from Nan. Then I somehow found where we were supposed to be and got lucky telling Papa left and right. Funny story, when I was seven, I still got my lefts and rights confused. Fortunately, I didn't realize the map was upside down so this was not a problem.

I looked like a genius, and I really had no idea what I was doing. I win.

You can call me Charlie Sheen now.

Facestalking Is Normal, Right?

I facestalk. A lot. I think. How much is considered a normal amount to facestalk? Like an hour a week? 2? 24? How much is too much?

Today, my Newsfeed told me someone is now single. Though I'm not close to this person, I happen to be close to a certain family member of this person. I'm so totally curious, but I don't feel able to call her up and ask. I mean, that would be rude, right? I don't like being rude, despite popular opinion.

So all day after I saw it on my Newsfeed, I've been periodically checking both part of the (former) couple's FB pages. I mean, it could have been a joke or something, and they aren't really broken up. I've seen it happen a lot, when the girl decides to be FB married to her best friend? Yeah, you know you've seen it. Don't play.

What's the protocol for these situations? Am I just supposed to stop wondering about relationship status, since it has nothing to do with me?

Also, where's the line for other types of scenarios? Say one of my friends just got engaged (I'm super happy for her!) but we've kind of lost touch, is it weird to go through all of the engagement pictures? Or is that normal?

Is it normal to comment on a childhood best friend's new hair color? Or is that weird?

Most importantly, how often is too often to look at a crush's FB page to see if he and his tragic girlfriend have broken up?

I'm not saying I've done any of these things. Well, except for the first one involving someone's relationship status.

Oh, and don't even act like y'all don't Facestalk. Everyone does. It's why FB even exists.

Ring, Ring. Ring my Bell!

Doesn't that just make you want to sing along with Anita Ward? Ring my belllllllllll, ring my bell. Ring, ring. Ring my bell!

Btdubs, she's from Memphis. How is it that such a crap city produces so much wonderful talent and food? It's seriously incomprehensible to me.

When I was a kid (and now, actually) my nan had a bell collection. She had large bells, small bells, high-pitched bells, low-pitched bells, bells that looked like characters, bells that looked like animals. Some of the bells didn't even ring. Why have a bell collection if they don't even effing ring? RIDICULOUS. But she loved having that collection. She also collected Mickey and Minnie Mouse figurines.

I didn't and don't understand this. In fact, I don't understand any types of collections. (In the interest of full disclosure, I did play with them a lot when I was a kid. However, I still don't understand the compulsion to collect things.)

Isn't collecting things kind of like specialized hoarding?

Hoarding is just keeping everything, so aren't they just the ultimate collectors?

Speaking of hoarding, Eli from Degrassi is a hoarder. Well, apparently, he's a hoarder. They only talked about it for one freaking episode. Degrassi is schizo when it comes to episodes.

Anyway, we're going to play a little game called "I Spy." And I'm not explaining the rules, because anyone who attended Kindergarten has heard of and played "I Spy." Oh, ps, I hate when people call it I, Spy. Where the eff did the comma come from?

OK, so actually, this won't be like I Spy at all, because I'm really just going to show a couple of pictures of a hoarding situation or a collecting situation. And we're, together, going to decide which should be considered hoarding or collecting. Yes?

1.

2. 

3.

So which of these would you consider hoarding, and why?

Blow Me...A Vase

Want to know what's romantic? I won't even make you guess; I'll just tell you. That's just the kind of nice girl I am. Of course, I will draw it out because I need to take up space. When there's too many short paragraphs on the blog, I get anxious.

Speaking of anxiety, I have a dental appointment on Thursday. I see tears in my future, as I cry every. single. damn. time. It's a curse. There's just too many smells and noises and pain. I hate it. I hate you, Mr. Dentist.

OK, so the romantic thing, I almost forgot. Ever since I saw it on Sweet Home Alabama, I think glass blowing is pretty romantic. I'm not sure if that's because it is romantic, or because Josh Lucas is so hot. I'm going to say it's probably a combination of both, but I'll venture out and say that it could be possible that I'd find it sweet even if Freddy Kreuger Dawson Leery was the glassblower in question.

See, Reese is clearly overwhelmed by the beauty of blowing...glass.

It has not one bit to do with this man. 

Of course not. His physical features don't affect her at all. 

They do, however, affect me.

Honest is my policy, after all.

Unfortunately, as you may already know, glass blowing does not actually involve blowing (from the mouth). Really, it's like pottery but with hot glass and air tubes.

Just when you thought it meant Josh Lucas's oral skills were up to par. I won't blame you if you choose to believe he blows them himself. It might be good for our sanity.

So I take it back. Just regular ol' glass blowing? Not romantic. If you want to woo me with your blowing, you best have done it with your own mouth. I'm old fashioned, after all. No battery operated devices required.

Don't Let Me Get Me!

The title for this post comes from Pink's "Don't Let Me Get Me." It's a great song. It has a great video as well. So great that I'm going to embed it, because that's just what I do.

You see, what I love about this song is the line, "I wanna be somebody else." I think, at my young age, everyone wants to be somebody else sometimes.

For instance, I would love to be her for just like an hour:

I know some people don't like her, but she is amazing, so those people can suck it.

But I would never actually want to be anyone else; it's just a little fantasy when I daydream. To be honest, I'm not even a huge fan of Halloween, because I don't have much desire to be anyone else but myself. 

The way I see it, there are general 4 categories that Halloweeners fall into:

1. Witty Costumers (which sometimes are not that witty, but just a general play on words or something)

Yes, Ted was a Hanging Chad. He did this for Halloween twice in search of the Slutty Pumpkin, which leads me to number 2.

2. Slutty People Who Want an Excuse to Dress Slutty Under the Guise of Halloween

Mean Girls (fantastic movie!) is a fine example of this category, and it is so true. High school girls love to slut it up on Halloween because their parents let them out of the house. Maybe I'm just bitter because I don't think I'll ever be OK with personally wearing lingerie out of the house. Unless I had legs like Rihanna. Then I'd never wear pants. EVER.

3. Caped Crusaders 

Aww, I love Sheldon Cooper. I really have no problem with this category. Unless you're a hairy, middle-aged man dressing up as a combo 2 & 3 category. I don't care about Slutty Superman is what I'm saying. Right?

4. Freaks who love Gore

I'll be honest. I've never been into the scary/gory costumes. They freak me out, and I hate them. I also hate the other kind of Gore-y costumes. 

Yes, this is a combo category. People who wear politician masks at Halloween annoy me. Oh, you're George Bush with monkey ears? SO CLEVER. And Al Gore with a big chin? EVEN FUNNIER.

If you go celebrate Halloween, please don't take this offensively. Or dress up as Categories 1 or 3. Make it clever or superhero. Bonus points for a clever superhero!

Anyways, have a fun Halloween (in another almost 8 months)!