Don't Let Me Get Me!

The title for this post comes from Pink's "Don't Let Me Get Me." It's a great song. It has a great video as well. So great that I'm going to embed it, because that's just what I do.

You see, what I love about this song is the line, "I wanna be somebody else." I think, at my young age, everyone wants to be somebody else sometimes.

For instance, I would love to be her for just like an hour:

I know some people don't like her, but she is amazing, so those people can suck it.

But I would never actually want to be anyone else; it's just a little fantasy when I daydream. To be honest, I'm not even a huge fan of Halloween, because I don't have much desire to be anyone else but myself. 

The way I see it, there are general 4 categories that Halloweeners fall into:

1. Witty Costumers (which sometimes are not that witty, but just a general play on words or something)

Yes, Ted was a Hanging Chad. He did this for Halloween twice in search of the Slutty Pumpkin, which leads me to number 2.

2. Slutty People Who Want an Excuse to Dress Slutty Under the Guise of Halloween

Mean Girls (fantastic movie!) is a fine example of this category, and it is so true. High school girls love to slut it up on Halloween because their parents let them out of the house. Maybe I'm just bitter because I don't think I'll ever be OK with personally wearing lingerie out of the house. Unless I had legs like Rihanna. Then I'd never wear pants. EVER.

3. Caped Crusaders 

Aww, I love Sheldon Cooper. I really have no problem with this category. Unless you're a hairy, middle-aged man dressing up as a combo 2 & 3 category. I don't care about Slutty Superman is what I'm saying. Right?

4. Freaks who love Gore

I'll be honest. I've never been into the scary/gory costumes. They freak me out, and I hate them. I also hate the other kind of Gore-y costumes. 

Yes, this is a combo category. People who wear politician masks at Halloween annoy me. Oh, you're George Bush with monkey ears? SO CLEVER. And Al Gore with a big chin? EVEN FUNNIER.

If you go celebrate Halloween, please don't take this offensively. Or dress up as Categories 1 or 3. Make it clever or superhero. Bonus points for a clever superhero!

Anyways, have a fun Halloween (in another almost 8 months)!

Horrified

On days that I have classes, I get up ridiculously early. It's dark as fuck outside, to be exact. Since I have to wake up so early, I generally just put on my clothes, put my vitamuffin in the toaster, and rush out the door. I don't put makeup on until I'm sitting in the parking lot waiting for the campus bus.

So my makeup routine on these days is:

1. Redness relief daily protective base: I don't do this with a mirror, because I'm not dumb and don't need to see where my face ends.

2. Almost Makeup foundation: I just found out Clinique has discontinued this, and I am effing pissed. This stuff is wonderful. It evens out my complexion, but doesn't feel heavy. I love it.

3. Concealer: You're probably asking yourself why I put on concealer after I put on foundation? Well, because everyone who told you to put it on before is a moron lied to you. It completely defeats the purpose to conceal before foundation. Highlight, yes. Conceal, no.

4. Bronzer: I use the peony one from Clinique, and it is the most amazing thing ever. I forgot to wear it one day, and I really did look like a zombie. It was so horrible. I never forget now.

5. Eyeliner/eyeshadow: This varies day to day. But I will say that I just started using Sephora brand eyeliner, and it's pretty legit.

Then I put on chapstick, but that isn't important enough to count.

So why was I horrified?

I'm almost too horrified to let people know that I have this problem. But my life is public now since I'm a certified blogger. Seriously, the blogger powers-that-be sent me a certificate via snail mail. 

I have crows' feet, and I'm only 20 years young. 

Yes, isn't it horrifying?

For the record, this is what my eyes looked like before today:

My parents say that my eyes just crease, and I don't have crows' feet. But I do know that Ponds Cold Cream and I are going to become best friends.

By the way, I'm totally not sure why my eyes look grey in the second picture and really green in the first. It must've been the light.

An Apple for You, my Pretty

I love nothing more than Pink Lady apples. Seriously, those are like drugs, and I am majorly hooked. But there is also nothing that annoys me more than noisy eating.

Let me paint the picture for you.

I was sitting in this beautiful building, which is mostly obscured by that ugly tree. I like trees, but I like buildings more, so sue me.

In this beautiful building, in my Novel after 1900, Detective Fiction class last week, we were watching a movie with Humphrey Bogart. You know, this handsome guy.

So we were watching and enjoying the movie (The Big Sleep) with this handsome guy and his wife, Lauren Bacall. 

And then I heard a <CRUNCH> from right behind me. I'm still a little distraught over it, 4 days later.

Vivian: Speaking of <CRUNCH>, I like to play them myself. But I like to see them <CRUNCH> a little first, see if they're front runners or <CRUNCH> behind, find out what their whole <CRUNCH> is, what makes them run. 
Marlowe: Find out <CRUNCH>? 
Vivian: I think so. 
Marlowe: Go ahead. 
Vivian: I'd say you don't like to be <CRUNCH><CRUNCH><CRUNCH>. You like to get out in front, open up a little lead, take a little <CRUNCH> in the <CRUNCH>, and then come home free. 

Eventually all I heard was <CRUNCH>, <CRUNCH> fucking <CRUNCH>. The apple was mocking me. Not only did I not have an apple, I was forced to listen to Miss Noisy Eater 2011.

Besides the crunchiest, noisiest eating I've ever been forced to listen to, what bothers me the most is that the apple she was eating was probably an effing Red Delicious.  She put me through psychological torture for a Red Delicious subpar apple.


By the way, whoever named it that was a fucking lying bitch. I bet she was a troll, and now she laughs in her grave at all the dumb people who buy Red Delicious apples and actually like them. HAHAHAHA, you stupid, she's saying.


I know y'all think I'm super neurotic. To be truthful, I probably am. But I would have been completely justified to slap a bitch. For serious.