Blewnadian

Let me just say that I am tolerant and even admire other cultures, ethnicities, and peoples of the world. Well, that's not exactly true; the cannibal culture in Papua New Guinea really terrifies me, but I suppose I can tolerate them as long as they're far away from me! But there are some cultures, ethnicities, and peoples of the world I admire MORE than others. I see nothing wrong with it. Some people like basketball players or Korean pop singers or Southern Baptists (this is actually false, as only Southern Baptists would like themselves more than anyone else, but that would be vanity so they can't...what a conundrum!) more than other peoples of the world. I just happen to like 3 specific groups of people more so than others. I wonder if y'all can guess? Guess now, minions, GUESS!

If you said, "people who say flag or 'dontcha know' like they're from Minnesota," you'd be almost right. But oh so wrong. Unless your name is Marshall Eriksen. But then you're married (and fictional), and I no longer want you.

If you said, "Arcade Fire and Esperanza Spalding," I'd tell you to get the eff out of my face. Because you clearly know nothing about me. Yes, I clearly didn't know who these two groups were when they won at the Grammys. Yes, I'm a little bitter.

If you said, "the cashiers at Trader Joe's," I would give you a gold star. Clearly you've been paying attention, because the cashiers at TJ's are wonderful and deserve to be liked (even though they wear hideous Hawaiian shirts that make me want to gauge out my eyes, but only if they've already rung up my beef taquitos and spinach dip). Although if you said the cashiers at TJ's, you'd still be wrong. Sorry, that's the way the cookie crumbles, kid.

Let's bring in some math real quick. Now, don't run away! It'll be fun math! Like Tom Lehrer's "New Math," which can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHDn8LDks8 If you don't like Tom Lehrer, we can't be friends.

But back to math: what does this equation equal?

+

+

=

?

Whew, that's some math! First, in case you couldn't decipher the pictures, I'll tell you what you're adding. The first picture is obviously representative of Jews, hence the Star of David. The second is a picture of Canada (hi neighbor to the north!). And the third picture is Hugh Jackman from the movie Australia. To be honest, I've never actually seen that movie, but Hugh is smoking like always! And I'm going to say he's a cattle rancher, even though I really have no idea.

So the new equation would be:

Jews + Canadians + Cattle ranchers = ?

I'm over the guessing game, so I'll just tell you what it equals. My perfect man. 

Yes, my perfect man is Canadian Jew cattle rancher. And no, he is not a Jewish Canadian cattle rancher. He is a Jew who happens to be Canadian AND a cattle rancher, not a Canadian who happens to be Jewish AND a cattle rancher. And yes, there's a difference, don't you know?

But here's the problem: there aren't so many Canadian Jews, even in Canada. Add the cattle ranching part to the equation, and all hell has broken loose! 

Here's where the good stuff comes in. There is some one in the world who meets two out of three criterion. And I consider that a win, especially because he has one other factor that just may up the ante. 

Do you still consider him "Jimmy from Degrassi"? I know I did for a long time. But not since I learned that he's a BLEWNADIAN. Yes, that's right. A Black Jewish Canadian. 

Does that blow your mind a little? Sorry.

Well, see how it happened was his mum is Jewish (holla!) and his dad is black (and lives in Memphis where I was born). Thus, Drake is a Black Canadian Jew. And I love it. Even though I didn't come up with the term Blewnadian. If you thought I did, bless you. I'm just not that creative.

So this is my new goal: marry Jimmy from Degrassi. And make him wear a cowboy hat. 

Of course this goal comes with some roadblocks, like not actually knowing Drake. Or being his type. Unless he likes American Southern girls who have a slight obsession with Canadian Jews. Oh right, that's not a type, that's me.

An aside: don't you think it's pretty much fate that his dad lives in Memphis, and I'm from there (well kind of, I don't remember much of it but I still go back to visit my g-parents)? Also, he totes loves Atlanta, and I do, too! In fact, I live pretty close to Atlanta. And he likes strippers, and I like...wait, no, I don't. Ok, so we have two things in common. That's enough, right?

Just say yes, ok?!

Anyway, if you know Drake or Canadian Jew cattle rancher, hit me up. 

And if you don't, I'll still love you. But you might want to send me some chocolate truffles. To drown my sorrows. And because they taste delicious.