Oy With the Poodles Already!

If you don't realize that came from Gilmore Girls, please rent all seven seasons and educate yourself. It's completely necessary for your mental health.

As much as I would love to write an entire post/blog about Gilmore Girls, this actually has nothing to do with Gilmore Girls.

You see, I'm a english major. I pretty much live in Park Hall. Due to being an english major and sharing Park Hall with the linguistics program and the classics department, there are loads of interesting characters. Seriously, jockers, stoners, preps, and hipsters abound! Mostly, there are just way too many hipsters. Hipsters love an excuse to read Jack Kerouac, so they become english majors. It's actually really unfortunate.

Anyway, I was in my Language in Contact class last Friday, and there's this guy (a ginger, actually) who sits two desks behind me. He shall be referred to as Dude, since Homeboy is already taken. So Dude is kind of a loud talker, and I'm kind of nosey. Seriously, if you don't want this chick to hear your conversation, don't talk about it at a bajillion decibels.

I think I should set the scene for you so this is clear.

Dude is a ginger, and he has a beard. Plus, he's a little husky...like mountain man husky. For realsies, he wears flannel. How can I not make lumberjack comparisons? If you like mountain men, let me know. He's looking for someone, as you will see from below.

Yes, I know this is Zachy Galifianakis. 

But imagine his hair super bright red and him a little younger, and you basically have Dude.

So now that you know what Dude looks like, this conversation might make more sense. Now, before I reveal what he said, I just want to clarify that I don't think Dude is ugly or even unattractive really. However, girls at my school aren't loving beards. Especially ginger beards. Although how fun would it be to say, "I'm dating the Ginger beard man!" I know, I'm so funny.

Ok so Dude was talking to his friend. Let's call her Stacy.

Dude: Man, I am so tired of being alone! I want a dog. Guys with dogs get all the chicks!

Stacy: Awww, how cute! What kind of dog do you want?

Dude: Anything miniature, like a teacup poodle. 

INSERT: Um, dude, chicks don't like guys with miniature anything. Get a boxer, ASAP!

Stacy: Umm, I don't think you'd like a poodle. Or anything small, really.

Dude: Ok, fine. I have the greatest idea ever. A TEACUP PIG!

Seriously, he exclaimed this. The whole class was interested. No less than 5 people asked at once, "where the eff do you get a teacup pig"? I was too appalled to ask question. I liked Babe and all, but I don't want my pet to see me eat its cousins. Why would a husky lumberjack give up bacon?! It boggles my mind. 

Yes, I clearly think about the important stuff in life: food.

Just in case you were wondering, he really is getting one of these:

I think they're kind of cute. But I wouldn't find a guy more attractive if he had one.

And I cannot even imagine the smell. Oh em gee, I die!